Heart of Meisner Level 1
October 31, 2019

I Am Afraid

I am afraid….

A lot. A lot more of the time than I care to admit. Right now I’m afraid to write all this. I am so afraid I’m genuinely always embarrassed about it. I am more likely to hide away behind a smile and faux calmness and add this to the ever-growing “to do sometime later” list than face it. I’ve carried this around with me for a very long time — since childhood for no particular reason I can recall. A low-grade yet ever noticeably present sense of some danger or inevitable disaster looming around the corner that never comes. Despite that knowledge, it doesn’t seem to make the feeling any less.

It’s strange that I should have chosen the arts and performance as a career (or perhaps not so much), and now as a teacher and writer of sorts. It means putting myself out there. To be seen and heard and at some level judged. Our greatest struggles are often where our greatest gifts also lie.

Still, the fear is there. Living as anxiety in my solar plexus. Pulling everything to its center — a gravitational black hole in the middle of my body. It reaches up the front of my chest and pools in my throat where it takes a sharp bend to the back of the neck along the spine completing its journey at the top of my head and slowly trickling into my mind like some never-ending faucet from hell.

I struggle every single day. To connect to a sense of meaning and purpose, but even more so to act on it. To face the challenges of what it is to be a human in this time and place. I feel an alien oftentimes. I feel lost and estranged. I feel like completely giving up on everything. I am rage. I am such crippling sorrow.

In the bare moments when I’m honest with myself, and I mean the kind of honesty that touches every minutia of what you ever once thought of who you are, I’m amazed that I can function as well as I do. But functioning isn’t enough. It isn’t wellbeing. And it isn’t the fullness of life that I know in my heart to be true.

So I battle the fear and the anxiety and often the depression that comes with it, beginning every morning when my eyes open. It has defeated me in more battles than even I can count — but all of them I know. Part of me won’t stop the battle and whatever part that is I’m beginning to listen, and I’m thankful for this unearned grace that has kept me in there.

I’m sharing this because I’ve kept it secret for too long from too many people and because I’ve held so much shame surrounding it. But also because I think that if you’re reading this you might understand every word of how I feel. You have lived it too. You are my courage and my inspiration — those who walk and have walked this before me.

I am determined to win this battle with fear, to strive for expression, for wisdom and meaning and fullness. To overcome my resistance every single day. What could possibly be more worth it?

I thank you for reading. I thank you for witnessing to me. Thank you for hearing me. Thank you for being with me.

 My early years of training as an actor were met with moderate and humble successes.  I was considered for many great roles, my peers and teachers were active admirers of my work and I would even dare say I was a ‘pretty good’ actor among many talented individuals.  Still there was something that was missing. I often struggled to find who or what I was as an artist in this medium we call acting.  I wanted to, as they say, “lose myself” in a role.  The problem was that I never really knew what that was or what that meant.  Perhaps for a brief moment I would touch upon it only for it to disappear just as quickly.

 Again and again I would come up against this invisible wall, frustrated, angry and ever doubtful that I might never know true meaning in my craft.

Meisner was that missing piece.  A training that was often marginalized in my education up to that point and even ridiculed.  I discovered through my own experience that the technique was and is still greatly misunderstood.  To know Meisner is to experience it, which is where much of the confusion comes from.  All I can say is that it freed me -- took me beyond myself and everything I thought I knew about acting and in that space I discovered what might be considered a true act of creation and maybe even art.

Evan has been engaged in the art and craft of acting for over twenty years.  A former graduate of SchoolCreative and The True Acting Institute, he is an insightful and passionate teacher of the Meisner Technique which he learned under the instruction and guidance from renowned teacher, Larry Silverberg.

Evan believes in teaching through collaboration, inspiration and joy above all else, and in helping actors discover who they are as artists and creators.

I invite you to join us.


Evan C. Schulte
Founder & Instructor
Evan C. Schulte

Evan has been engaged in the art and craft of acting for over twenty years.  A former graduate of SchoolCreative and The True Acting Institute, he is an insightful and passionate teacher of the Meisner Technique which he learned under the instruction and guidance from renowned teacher, Larry Silverberg.

Evan believes in teaching through collaboration, inspiration and joy above all else, and in helping actors discover who they are as artists and creators.
The Players Creative Company believes that great acting is more than applied techniques and intellectual concepts.  We believe that great acting can be a transcendent experience, that can take us beyond ourselves, enriching all of our lives.

 This goes beyond technique.  This goes into the deepest part of ourselves.  A part that we rarely peer into.  A part that is full, alive and present.  A part that we seek to awaken.
    
 Journey into an experience of acting that is unlike anything you’ve ever engaged with, and will change your perceptions of what it is you do as an artist.

Actors Trained In Meisner:
Robert Duvall, Gregory Peck, Sam Rockwell, Alec Baldwin, Christoph Waltz, Christopher Lloyd, Christopher Meloni, David Duchovny, Diane Keaton, Eli Wallach, Grace Kelly, James Caan, James Franco, James Gandolfini, Jeff Bridges, Jeff Goldblum, John Turturro, Michelle Pfeiffer, Naomi Watts, Stephen Colbert, Steve McQueen, Sydney Pollack, Tina Fey
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The Actor’s Awakening


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